The decision to undergo bariatric surgery is a first step in a project to transform your life. Once you’ve had the surgery, you can expect many things about your day-to-day life to be different. From the choices you make about food, to your exercise habits, to your social calendar, the weight loss journey will have an impact on every aspect of your life.
Friends and family need to be on your team. A support network that will motivate you to keep going is critical, especially on those days where you feel like it all wasn’t worth it. However, your friends might also be a hindrance to your journey. Jealousy, concerns about their own health status, and many other triggers can cause your friends to unintentionally slow down your success. And sometimes, even with a supportive circle a friends, they may not understand what it's like to be in your shoes. Finding someone who has been in your exact position, like a free PatientPartner™, can be that final link in your support chain for success.
In this post, we will look at the benefits of a good support network and the risks of a bad one.
Find a Support Network
You need a network of support to get you through the toughest times during the transformation journey that begins with your surgery. I had two big sources of support when I first decided to transform my life. The first was my best friend. He and I would check in every day. We’d share our weigh-in numbers every Saturday morning. We would be supportive of each other but we also included a bit of competitive banter in our check-ins. This friendship was essential to me because I had someone who understood how important my goal was.
When putting your support network together, try to pick friends that have gone through it themselves. A friend who has undergone bariatric surgery will be a blessing. If you don’t know anyone that has gone through it, try to find a friend that has gone through a big change in their life and understands the process of becoming a new and improved person. PatientPartner™ is an amazing free resource that does exactly this and adding a PatientPartner™ volunteer to your support circle can be invaluable. They can give you the inside scoop on the patient experience and tips only someone who has had weight loss surgery can give.
Changing the foods you’re used to eating can be a real struggle. A friend that can see the big picture and know what to say when you’re ready to give up will be the most important member of your team!
My second source of support was my personal trainer. I found him on the internet, knowing nothing about him other than a few glowing testimonials on his website. We immediately clicked and I knew that he would be the guy to help me manage the project. We would meet in person once a week where he would guide me through a weight lifting workout. During the week he would use an app to monitor the workouts I would do on my own. I also shared my nutrition log with him.
He quickly became a good friend, and is now one of my best friends. This was because in addition to being an expert on nutrition and exercise science, he was also a good listener. I could talk to him about whatever I was struggling with on the plan and we would work together to come up with a solution. If I was not comfortable with some of the exercises, he would ask the right questions to find out why. If I was snacking too much, he would see it in the food log. Instead of just saying “Hey, don’t snack,” he would talk to me about why I was feeling hungrier. Maybe there were tweaks I could make to my diet. Maybe stress or work was hitting me hard that week. Either way, he would always take the time to understand my issue and come up with a solution that I would be comfortable with.
A trainer is a great way to get professional advice. There is so much information out there, you’re better off hiring an expert to sort through it all and put together a plan that is right for you. But don’t let their professional credentials be the only factor – you have to find someone that you get along with personally. Who knows, your trainer could become your new friend!
Dial Back the Non-Supportive Friendships
You may have to reconsider some of your friendships to keep the momentum towards your goal. It might feel uncomfortable to consider that you have friends that aren’t rooting for you. They’re your friends! Of course they want you to lose weight and be happy!
While this is true, it is also possible that their own struggles and body issues can cause them to be less supportive once you start seeing progress. This passive way of sabotaging your plan can come in many forms.
Some friends may not want you to stop doing the fun things they liked doing with you. This could include things like going out drinking, going out for pizza and ice cream, and a lot more. If they see you as only wanting kale smoothies for dinner, they might think you’re no fun anymore. This can cause people to panic, as they will be afraid of losing their friend. Make sure you let your friends know that your relationship is not defined by ice cream! Try thinking of other things you can do together that don’t always involve unhealthy food.
Another form of disruption can come from friends getting jealous. If they see you losing weight, buying new clothes, and feeling generally happier, they can start to feel bad about themselves. They’ll take it as a personal insult that you’re putting yourself first and leaving them behind. You might start hearing them invite you out to a bar or restaurant, telling you “Oh, come on, just one beer.” There’s also my favorite: “You sure have changed, why can’t we get the old your back? Let’s go out!”
When friends start making these suggestions, it is because they don’t want anything to change. They want you to stay the way you are so that they can stay the way they are. You will need to learn the difference between your friends caring about you versus your friends caring about themselves.
Find What Works for You
When it comes to navigating your friendships under the lens of your new lifestyle, remember that it is ok to put your own goals first. You have decided to take on this huge effort to transform your life. By doing so, you will become a better friend to everyone. Once you’ve done it, remember to pay it forward! You will have a friend someday that will rely on you for advice and support as they go through their own journey.
PatientPartner™ is proud of meaningful connections the program creates. Start building your support network by speaking with a free PatientPartner™ volunteer today.
We connect those who are about to have a bariatric surgery with patients who have previously had that surgery so you get to know the surgical journey from the patient's perspective.
Our PatientPartners™ are there to guide you through your surgical journey each and every step of the way.
